What Cars Say About Their Owners...




- Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

- Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.

- Acura NSX - I am impotent.

- Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.

- Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

- Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesperson.

- Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.

- Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people.

- Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette. 

- Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.

- Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

- Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

- Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

- Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

- Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

- Ford Escort - I'm a red-headed nanny.

- Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)

- Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.

- Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and
                                             change lanes when I pull up behind them.

- Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

- Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

- Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

- Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.

- Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

- Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

- Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

- Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

- Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.

- Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

- Mercury Grand Marquis - (See Lincoln Town Car)

- Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

- Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

- Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler.

- MGB - I am dating a mechanic.

- Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.

- Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

- Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

- Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

- Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.

- Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

- Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannan is a tad bit too liberal.

- Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)

- Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car.

- Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet .

- Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch The Partridge Family.

- Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet.

- Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now.

- Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife.






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