Bumper Stickers


*Zero to 50 in 5 minutes.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. 
* If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. 
* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy. 
* Born free... taxed to death. 
* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. 
* Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. 
* There's too much blood in my alcohol system. 
* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 
* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. 
* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 
* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 
* The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
* I got a gun for my wife, best trade I've ever made. 
* So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute! 
* Jesus may love you, but he won't respect you in the morning. 
* I need someone really bad... are you really bad? 
* If, a two letter word for futility 
* I don't care, I don't have to. 
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 
* To all you virgins, thanks for nothing. 
* I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. 
* Horn broken, watch for finger. 
* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. 
* Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later. 
* Give pizza chants. 
* This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way. 
* If something goes without saying, LET IT! 
* If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. 
* Help wanted: telepath: you know where to apply 
* Work is for people who don't know how to fish. 
* I.R.S. We've got what it takes to take what you've got. 
* Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole. 
* I'm driving this way just to piss you off. 
* If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk. 
 * Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 
* Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket? 
* Keep honking, I'm reloading. 
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes. 
* Hang up and drive. 
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 
* WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition. 
* This would be really funny if it wasn't happening to me. 
 * I have the body of a god... Buddha! 
* I get enough exercise pushing my luck. 
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep 
* Guns don't kill people... but they make it real easy. 
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather
   ...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 
* Towers will be violated 
 * Lord save me from your followers. 
* Meat is yummy! 
* Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. 
* Everything I need to know about women, I learned from my dog. 
* Born again pagan. 
* God must love stupid people, he made so many. 
* So many recipes, so few cats. 
* Cats... the other white meat. 
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 
* Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT! 
* There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart. 
* P.E.T.A. people eating tasty animals 
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. 
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. 
* Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down. 
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it! 
* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? 
* Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal ! 
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. 
* Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself. 
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 
* Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. 
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. 
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. 
* Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 
* There are only 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. 
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
* Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... until you can find a rock.