One liners whose origins have long been obscured by Internet forwarding: 

 - I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
 - I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
 - If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
 - Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
 - The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
 - Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
 - Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
 - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
 - Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
 - Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
 - Black holes are where God divided by zero.