Insults With Style 
                                     
Body by Fisher -- brains by Mattel 
A brain like a BB in a boxcar. 
A couplet short of a sonnet. 
A dead bolt with a broken cylinder 
A few peas short of a pod 
A few revisions behind. 
A few tiles missing from his shuttle 
A few tiles short of a successful re-entry 
A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree. 
A handle short of a suitcase. 
A lap behind the field. 
A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body 
A prime candidate for retroactive birth control 
A semitone flat on the high notes. 
A square with only three sides. 
A teapot with a cracked lid. 
A titanic intellect... In a world full of icebergs. 
A vacuum-tube brain in a micro chip world. 
A violin minus the bow. 
A wind-up clock without a key. 
All booster, no payload. 
All crown, no filling. 
All hammer, no nail. 
All missile, no warhead. 
All shot, no powder. 
All the lights don't shine in her marquee. 
All wax and no wick. 
Always in the right place at the wrong time. 
Always sharpening his sleeping skills. 
An early example of the Peter Principle. 
An ego like a black hole. 
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 
An XT clone in a Pentium zone. 
As bright as a night light 
As sharp as a marble 
Attic's a little dusty. 
Bad spot on the disk. 
Batteries not included. 
Been napping in front of the ion shield again. 
Been playing in the pharmacy section again. 
Been short on oxygen a little too long 
Been using her head as a mass driver. 
Blew his O-rings. 
Blew the hatch before the lock sealed. 
Blown/leaking head gasket. 
Born during low tide in the gene pool 
Born ugly and built to last. 
Both oars in the water, but on the same side of the 
boat. 
Brain transplant donor. 
Bright as a Zippo lighter without a flint. 
Bubbles in her think tank. 
Chimney's clogged. 
Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box. 
Doesn't have all his groceries in the same bag. 
Doesn't have elastic in both of his socks. 
Doesn't have his belt through all the loops. 
Downhill skiing in Iowa. 
Driving with two wheels in the sand. 
During evolution his ancestors were in the control group. 
Easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing. 
Four cents short of a nickel. 
Gasoline engine, diesel fuel. 
Has an IQ of 2, and it takes 3 to grunt. 
Has his solar panels aimed at the moon. 
Has it floored in neutral. 
Has only one chopstick in the chowmein. 
Has the Grand Canyon under the crew cut. 
He's so dense, light bends around him. 
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 
If his IQ was two points higher he'd be a rock. 
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically
invulnerable. 
Knitting with only one needle. 
Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum. 
No filter in the coffee maker. 
No hay in the loft. 
On the batting end of a no-hitter. 
Overdue for reincarnation. 
Paralyzed from the neck up. 
Receiver is off the hook. 
Skating on the wrong side of the ice. 
Slinky's kinked. 
Some Assembly Required. 
Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder. 
Surfing in Nebraska. 
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead. 
Wasn't strapped in during launch. 
Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.