God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire... 

                     God would like to thank you for your belief and 
                     patronage.  In order to better serve your needs, He 
                     asks that you take a few moments to answer the 
                     following questions. 

                     Please keep in mind that your responses will be 
                     kept completely confidential, and that you need not 
                     disclose your name or address unless you prefer a 
                     direct response to comments or suggestions. 

                     1. How did you find out about God? 

                                 __ Newspaper 
                                 __ Television 
                                 __ Divine Inspiration 
                                 __ Word of mouth 
                                 __ Near Death Experience 
                                 __ Bible 
                                 __ Torah 
                                 __ Other (specify): _____________ 
  
                     2. Are you currently using any other source of 
                     inspiration in addition to God?  Please check all 
                     that apply. 

                                   __ Tarot 
                                   __ Lottery 
                                   __ Horoscope 
                                   __ Television 
                                   __ Fortune cookies 
                                   __ Ann Landers 
                                   __ Self-help books 
                                   __ Sex 
                                   __ Bio rhythms 
                                   __ Alcohol or drugs 
                                   __ Mantras 
                                   __ Insurance policies 
                                   __ Other: _____________________ 
                                   __ None 

                     3. God employs a limited degree of Divine 
                     Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt 
                     presence and blind faith.  Which would you prefer 
                      (circle one)? 

                                     a. More Divine Intervention 
                                     b. Less Divine Intervention 
                                     c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just 
                                          right 
                                     d. Don't know 

                     4. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level 
                      of disasters and miracles.  Please rate on a scale 
                      of 1 - 5 his handling of the following 
                      (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent): 

                                     a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war) 
                                         1   2   3   4   5 

                                     b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of 
                                         disease, sports upsets) 
                                         1   2   3   4   5 

                    5. Do you have any additional comments or 
                    suggestions for improving the quality of God's 
                    services?  (Attach an additional sheet if necessary): 

                    __________________________________________________ 
                    __________________________________________________ 
                    __________________________________________________ 

                                  Thank you!