Results of a contest for "theories" sponsored by Omni magazine. 

      GRAND PRIZE WINNER 

      When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast 
      is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I 
      propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will 
      hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat 
      array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. 

      RUNNERS-UP: 

      #1 
      If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of 
      pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an 
      infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all 
      the world's great literary works in Braille. 

      #2 
      Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure
      on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums 
      unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to
      even it out. 

      #3 
      Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because
      they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to
      communicate ideas at a faster rate. 

      #4 
      The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just 
      as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are
      brought in  close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause
      our planet to spin dangerously fast. 

      HONORABLE MENTION: 
      The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If 
      omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian 
      "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan 
       to  "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."