From actual job resumes (or so I'm told): 

* I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms. 
*Wholly respsonsible for two (2) failed financial institutions 
*Failed bar exam with relatively high grades 
*It's best for employers that I not work with people 
*Lets meets, so you can ooh and aah over my experience 
*You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time 
*I am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details 
*I was working for my mom until she decided to move 
*I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse 
*I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absoletly nothing. 
*My goal is to be meteorologist. But since I possess no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage 
*Personal interests: donating blood. Fourrteen gallons so far 
*Insturmental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store 
*Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job hopping. I have
never quit a job 
*Maritial status: Often. Children various. 
*Reason for leaving past job: They insisted that all employees get
to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those
conditions 
*The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers. 
*Finished eighth in my class of tem 
*I have a deep knowledge of life due to my experiments with mind
altering drugs 
*References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me